Heartstrings.

Back to college
Where hopes are built & dreams are crushed
I saw the crowd…
Of silent anticipation & buzzing excitement
I felt the place…
With intense feelings of joy & misery mingled
I found the presence
Of true friends offering condolences
As well as hypocrites
Who mask their secretive mockery of others who did worse
With their horrid, evil hearts.
________________________

NAH GONE.
I cried so hard I cried so hard I actually expected it I even saw it in my dreams.
Down the grades down-spiral due to distractions, I knew it yet I couldn't get out.
I thank my closer classmates for simply being there.
I'm glad that they did exceedingly well but my sadness within is overpowering my emotions.
& I saw the forlorn face(s) which was so (even more) heart breaking.

I wish I could reset.
Or reformat.
Or remove undesirables.
I just destroyed my own childhood dream.
Haven't I destroyed many already...

I cried again while bathing, didn't want my parents to see my disappointment.
My eyes are so swollen they feel like red, dry & popping-out.
My brain is so empty with thoughts it actually feels hollow inside.
My throat is so choked up with tears...
My long walk home didn't calm myself down.
Maybe, maybe not, it may not be finalised
I'm tired, I can't sleep, I can't take this as a bad dream, I can't forget.

My fault my own doing I couldn't focus I didn't study hard enough.