You wanted the best, it wasn't me

Today,240108. emo-ed to death.
Negativity spam, sorry gotta get these out.
I don't know if it was the aftermath of yesterday's training (18 storeys *3 sets)
Or was it merely the stress
Or was it dread
Or was it the lack of sense of belonging?

Jack said he thinks I am gonna get depression, LOL.

I was just... sick of myself.
Disgusted at my studies
the way I look
the critisms, sarcasms, discouragements, stress
the stupid front I have to put up
I am so tired
Disgusted of using lethargy as an excuse, homework as a reason

Argh I can't cheer up
I can't catch up.

What is it about solitude.
What is it about responsibilities.
What is it about passion for something.
What is it about courage?

Losing focus, losing grip.
I don't know what to do.
I feel... so alone.

Thanks DJ for accompanying me trying to cheer me up.

I will be okay tomorrow.
Yep.

Life for me is not the same
but there's no one to turn to