Obvious oblivion

I can’t fathom human character.
Is this the person I used to know?

What if to agree is to go against your own set of principles?
What if to disagree carries a big risk of losing everything?
What if to ignore does not mean that everything will just go away?

And in this race, everyone’s so ahead of me
I am trying so hard to catch up
Yet those obstacles, no longer a motivation
But stones which cut and make you bleed

I wished I were emotionless, emotionaless.
I wished I were a studying machine.

The security isn’t there;
At this rate, I’m gonna lose everything.

Even friends, my actions hurt them
I hate myself
I can't stop to think,
mind's filled with me, myself, failure

This is a race against self
And for me,
Its DO or DIE.

_________________

I'm real glad Publicity's in good hands
I can't take the guilt

I can't do well in anything,
I can't even find something that I'm good at.
I was never good at anything.

Anyway had dinner with Clr, Cvn, DJ & Leslie @ HK Cafe, food was good. However, whole mind was thinking of studies and partially filled with negativity with how I am going to fail at this rate (& partially listening to Chinese songs played there, they sounded almost ancient).

How come they don't seem to worry as much?
Does that spell that I am too anxious about exams?
I hate to give up, but circumstances aren't helping.
I feel lousy after every test and when we get them back.
Encouragements sound like distant echos
How come they can do so well?
Please, I am so sick & tired of failure
Its like a total pitch-black I keep falling in
I can't get out
I hate myself
Help.

Slipping away,
Solitude.
Its a cruel war